Little Moments-Big Dreams

 We recently spent most of a week on Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. HHI is one of my favorite beach towns. However, just like many coastal vacation areas, it can be expensive to visit there. So, I wanted to share how we saved a little money while still enjoying an amazing family trip. Before I jump in, let me just say as a disclaimer, I know that a beach vacation is not possible for every family in every season of life. Please know that this post is not an attempt to boast on what we were able to do. I just want to give a few tips and thoughts on how to save money if someone is planning an upcoming trip. So, here are the ways we attempted to save some money and still had a fabulous vacation: 1. We stuck to our budget when choosing a place to stay. We had a fairly strict price point that I knew we were not willing to compromise on. So, when I was browsing Airbnb, VRBO, hotels.com, and other sites, I made sure to filter out the more expensive options so that I was not even tempt...

     I'm finally reading again! I realize that sounds like an exaggeration, but over the last few years, I've set aside reading as a regular hobby.  But I'm a bookworm again, and it is amazing.     Since the start of 2026, I've logged 26 books read so far. Some have been audiobooks, some in print books, and a few have been eBooks. I keep track of the books on my Goodreads profile.  Before I talk about the books I've read, let me make a comment about the purpose of reading. For me, reading is a gift. As a Christian, I read for edification, but I also read for fun! I honestly believe a good novel is a great way to pass the time, stir the imagination, and transport the reader to a different time or place. I find joy in reading.      Having said that, my first book of the year was a short, powerful book by AW Tozer, "How to be filled with the Holy Spirit". I listened to the audiobook, and it only took 2 or 3 hours. It was a great way to star...

 At the end of December, I started praying a little about fasting in January. When the New Year began, I knew what I needed to give up: sugar. Talk about a tough experience! This sugar addict was humbled at how often I longed for a brownie or some candy.  At the same time, God began dealing with me about another addiction. I started listening to an audiobook about breaking up with your phone ("How to break up with your phone"). Over and over, I felt convicted by this secular book. I wasted hours every week just mindlessly scrolling on Facebook. Honestly, almost every waking hour, I was checking my phone, mainly to see if anyone had liked my latest pictures... I felt silly. But I also felt in bondage. It truly was a spiritual problem and God revealed that to me. As January drew to an end, God made it clear that fasting from sugar was just the beginning. He called me to delete Facebook.  Now, I have to be honest, after my initial shock and anguish about that, my next issue ...

I thought it would be fun to write about a typical day in my life these days, both for others' entertainment (or not), and for future reference when I wonder what life was like for me in this stage of my life. So here goes. A "typical" day varies, but this is just a snapshot.  Yesterday, Thursday, I woke up around 6:15 I think. I made sure James's backpack and lunch were ready, prepared a simple breakfast for him (French toast sticks and a kefir drink that he surprisingly really likes), and woke him up around 7 to eat and get ready for school. Ryan ate breakfast also and then took him to school. They left about 7:30 as usual. I made breakfast for myself and when Elijah woke up, I changed and fed him.      From 8:30-10, I took care of the baby, did dishes and laundry, and eventually, laid Elijah down for a quick nap around 10. Once he was napping, I did my makeup and got ready for chapel. Once I was completely ready and everything was ready for the baby, I woke him up...

 On March 18, 2022, I thought I might never be happy again. I sobbed my goodbyes to the man I loved and who I thought I'd grow old with. He was in many ways my world, along with our then four year old son. My world shattered that day.  But God had other plans. Do I understand why God allowed Matt to go home to Glory at age 38? Do I understand why all of our hopes and plans for the future were swept away on a tide of seemingly unending grief? No. I don't.  But I have seen God take the shards of my broken heart and fit them back together into something created for His honor.  Several months after my husband's untimely death, I struck up a friendship with one of Matt's closest friends, Ryan. We started texting each other about all kinds of random things: funny stories from our day, encouragement from Scripture, favorite memories or movies or events...we never seemed to run out of things to say to each other. I was finding myself very interested. But the timing was not r...

  I’m thinking a lot lately about lives cut short: Children, teenagers, young men,.. You. You were only 38 when your eyes closed in death. Somehow, because so many people live 80 or more years, I expect that everyone I love will live that long. That I will live that long. But life is a vapor. Your Bible app was open to the Epistle of James when I first opened your phone after you were gone. James says that phrase: Life is a vapor. I have so many questions. Did you know you would have a short life? Had a dream prepared you for your early death? Did you truly have a good life? Were you ready? I know you believed in Jesus. You preached and lived the Gospel. In that sense, I know you were ready.   But-when we went to bed that last night, your demeanor was softer, more mellow. You were human and sometimes, although you were a loving and good husband, sometimes, your words were quick or your mannerisms brisk. (And same with me, admittedly). Not that las...

 The internet is filled with these types of articles, but I wanted to add my perspective. Over the last year, many people have shown me and James so much kindness and love. I want to focus on just a few things that have brought us so much comfort from other people this year.  These are all ways that I have personally been comforted by friends/family. If you are wondering what will be a help to someone who has lost a loved one, I believe these are practical tips.  1. Be there for them at the visitation/funeral if possible.  I cannot express what it meant to me to look up and see familiar faces of people from near and very far away, all gathered to offer their sincere care. We had friends who traveled hundreds of miles to be there for me and it meant the world.  I know it is not always possible to attend a funeral! I hold no ill feelings toward anyone who was not there at Matt's service. But I do remember with genuine gratitude the ones who were able and did make ...

  As I type these words, it is March 17th. St Patrick's Day. Tomorrow, March 18th, is a milestone that I have been dreading. One year ago tomorrow, my beloved husband breathed his last here on earth and woke up in Heaven.  I have decided to blog about my journey of grief that began that morning. I pray it is both a step of healing for my own heart and also that it brings glory to my God who has brought me through and continues to walk with me.  When I woke up and discovered Matt still and lifeless beside me, James woke up at almost the same time and I heard him coming to our room. Frantically, I tried to shield him from what was happening, but he did see his Daddy. Words came out of me as I tried to comfort my four-year-old son. I remember telling him, I think Daddy has gone to Heaven. James started crying and I told him, I think God decided it was time for him to come home to Heaven. The words seemed to comfort James in some small way.  One of Matt's friends and cow...

 You’d think by now, I would see the wave coming, take a deep breath, close my eyes, and shut myself up within its wall of water until it subsided. But no- it rises up inside my quiet, lonely room here late at night as warm memories collide with cold reality.  And I feel it’s salt stinging in my eyes, Hear my voice wailing within its roar, Drown- almost- in its depths. 8 months and two weeks and 4 days have parted me from my anchor. Like Peter, sinking, I cry to the Master of the Waves to rescue me.  And just like last time, and all the times before and all the times to come, He does just that. And I weep on His shoulder and I thank him but I also shout my painful cries: “ Why did my anchor have to be taken?” “What do I do now?”  And He lifts me into a safe vessel and as it carries me away from that dreadful wave, He says, “Rest now and wait. You are loved. You are seen. You are safe.” And it is not quite what I wanted Him to say but He is Who I need so I listen. And...

   It is a frosty October morning. A new moon hangs in the pale sky.  And I slide my feet into your old slippers.  The thought occurs that I don't need to apologize for borrowing them anymore.  You used to ask me not to take them. They were broken in just right for you.  I had my own slippers. But after you died, I threw my own away. I didn't need them. I had yours. My feet needed to fit in the imprints you left. So I take a deep breath and open the door, And though my breath rises like a ghost into the cold air My feet and heart are warm as I whisper, "thank you."

These last several months, I've seen God bring comfort and encouragement to me and James in many different ways. But the main way has been through people, specifically the family of God. Tonight was one such example. James is out of town with grandparents this week and tonight, after a long, lonely evening, I drove down to main campus and went for a walk with our dogs. I was feeling discouraged because of a few things already. Then, as I was crossing a bridge over the creek, I was suddenly overwhelmed by heavy grief. I could not go on. I leaned on the bridge railing and allowed the tears and sobs to pour out. In that moment, I felt thoroughly abandoned. Thoughts of how alone and forsaken I was swirled in my head as fast and loud as the roaring creek below. Eventually, I pulled myself together enough to continue walking.  I was almost to my car when I looked behind me to see some friends not far behind me. I had not even heard them approaching. They immediately could tell I was upse...

I remember the first time I saw his name. In a text message from my mom, describing the new pastor of her friend's church and telling me he might be interested in getting to know me. I was as single as a person could be at that point, had been praying about marriage for quite a while. Somehow, I knew that I should step out of my comfort zone and see where this might lead. I remember how he first sent me a message on social media and how we quickly hit it off, chatting for hours the next few weeks. And then, finally, we decided to meet. But first, we spoke on the phone and I remember thinking I loved his southern accent and his deep voice. :) Then, we met and our first date was awkward.. I was quiet and unsure, he was talkative but also unsure. I thought he seemed nice but I was not clear whether our new friendship would continue to develop. Then, somehow, in a matter of days, everything changed. We met up again, had a very nice time with countless things to talk about. And after th...

A new chapter began in my life on March 18th, 2022.  Thursday, March 17th, 2022, my husband, son and I drove home after a few days away in Pigeon Forge. It was Spring Break at the Bible college and we had enjoyed our getaway which included a day at Dollywood, lots of yummy food and fun activities, and just being together as a little family. We detoured north for one night to visit Matt's parents in Somerset Kentucky as well. It was a good visit and a good little getaway but we were glad to be back home and we discussed tackling a couple home organization projects over the weekend. That evening, we ordered a pizza and watched a baking show while eating together. Matt also baked a few chocolate chip cookies from some dough we had in the refrigerator. It was a pleasant, laid back family evening. Matt had been very sick most of the previous month and we were so happy to have this time together as a family after that long ordeal which included two hospital stays. Eventually, it was bedt...

  I wanted to document my day today for a couple reasons.  One being, I need to learn to practice some time management and one way I’m learning to do that is by listing all of my activities- and maybe learn to say no to things I have no time for or that do not fit into my calling and ministry.  But two, it is perhaps helpful for others to see what goes on in a somewhat average day as a stay at home/work at home woman. Some people may assume certain things about stay at home moms based on stereotypes. Whether that is fair or not is not for me to say. I can only speak from my own experience and from what I see from many of the SAHM I know. Our lives are full from sunup to sundown most days. Yes, there are days characterized by rest or boredom but those are not the norm. A day like today is closer to the norm. One note: my husband is recovering from a bad round of bacterial pneumonia that put him in the hospital this weekend. He is home but weak. So my day did feel extr...

On the last day of May of 2017, when my baby son was placed into my arms for the first time, my heart felt like it could burst with joy. The months and months of sorrow and pain fell away and our struggles with infertility and miscarriages were like a distant chapter that we hoped to never revisit.  But as our son grew and I delighted in being a mother to him, a desire for another baby naturally filled my heart. He would be the best big brother is a thought I have often had. He is four years old now. A tall, inquisitive, dinosaur and sea creature-loving boy with a big smile, a mischievous streak, and a tender heart. And I wish he had a little sister or a little brother.  The pain of my second journey of infertility feels almost embarrassing to share with others. After all, we have a child. So many others never experience that gift. Perhaps I should just be content. And there are many days when contentment and peace fills my heart, when, looking at my son and thinking about ou...

 A week ago, I was starting to come down with what I thought was a cold. James had been sick with the same "cold" for several days but was recovering. I went about my day as normal, but by the next morning, I was feeling worse.By the next morning, Saturday, I was miserable. My symptoms were sinus congestion, a sore throat, a general feeling of not being well, and some fatigue. I didn't have a fever and I wasn't coughing much at all. But my husband strongly encouraged me to go get a covid test and I agreed. When the results came back, I was shocked that it was positive. Back home, I started to process the news. As the day went on and I continued to feel pretty bad, I felt some worry. What if I got really sick and also what about my husband and son? I was most worried about Matt since he has bad asthma. I felt fairly sure that James was actually recovering from his own bout with covid.  Over the next day or two, my sore throat went away but I started to cough a bit. By ...

  A few weeks ago, I went to Disney World for the first time. Well, technically the first time, i was inside my Mom's womb. But as far as my first trip to Disney World that I remember.. this trip was it. Now, a few weeks removed from the trip, I find myself looking back and remembering mostly the fun we had and already hoping very much to return someday! This blog post will be just a few highlights of our Disney Trip. I will not attempt to cover everything we did.  I also will try to throw in a few tips as a first time visitor to WDW for those who may be planning their trip. Keep in mind I am no expert by any means on the subject of Disney traveling. There are dozens of excellent websites and youtube channels out there for well informed, detailed trip planning advice! A couple of my favorites are   Blair Lamb's  youtube channel and the Disney food blog  (which also has a youtube channel too) So just think of my tips as simply the ramblings of a Disney newb...

 Months ago, my husband and I started daydreaming about taking a little trip for our anniversary. (Because we got married right after New Year’s, it has usually been difficult to save up money for a getaway so close to the holidays. So we have only done a getaway for our anniversary one time and it was our first anniversary. ) As we discussed planning a vacation, we went back and forth between leaving James for a couple days with relatives or friends..or taking him with us. We finally landed on the idea of inviting someone to go with us who could double as babysitters and vacation buddies. It didn't take us long to ask my younger sister and her husband. They are expecting their first baby in a few months and we figured it might be fun for them to get away as well. They readily accepted our invitation and we all excitedly made plans. We found a cabin with wonderful reviews near Pigeon Forge. We began to plan a few fun activities to try together during our time in the area. We actual...