Memories of My Husband

I remember the first time I saw his name. In a text message from my mom, describing the new pastor of her friend's church and telling me he might be interested in getting to know me. I was as single as a person could be at that point, had been praying about marriage for quite a while. Somehow, I knew that I should step out of my comfort zone and see where this might lead.

I remember how he first sent me a message on social media and how we quickly hit it off, chatting for hours the next few weeks. And then, finally, we decided to meet. But first, we spoke on the phone and I remember thinking I loved his southern accent and his deep voice. :)

Then, we met and our first date was awkward.. I was quiet and unsure, he was talkative but also unsure. I thought he seemed nice but I was not clear whether our new friendship would continue to develop.

Then, somehow, in a matter of days, everything changed. We met up again, had a very nice time with countless things to talk about. And after that we were inseparable. Three months later, he knelt and asked me to marry him and I was confident in my decision to say yes.

The months of wedding planning both dragged by and flew by. We arrived at our wedding day excited for our future together.

I remember our wedding and how beautiful the ceremony was. How joyful the atmosphere. How lovely the sparkling snow. 

I remember our honeymoon. A precious and sweet time together on a cruise. Then returning home and setting up our little apartment together. 

I remember the heartache and confusion we faced just a few short months later when we faced a miscarriage. Then a few months later another. And several months later, another.

I remember how we grew in our love for each other and our understanding of ministry together through those hard times. 

I remember vacations together: Colonial Williamsburg, Wilmington North Carolina, Gatlinburg..

I remember serving as a married couple at Immanuel Baptist Church in Wilmington, Ohio. So many conversations we had as a couple about ways to minister better. Praying together. Meals shared with church members. A youth lock-in where we played games late into the night with rowdy teens. VBS memories. Christmas decorations going up around the church. Planning Christmas events. How he always loved to cook a ham or a turkey for church dinners. How much he loved people. How he would say to me if I was frustrated about something, "just love them".

I remember when we learned we were expecting and how nervous and excited we both were (and how Matt ended up in the ER that night with a kidney stone!) All through that long pregnancy, how thoughtful and kind he was to me.  He pampered me really. And all during the labor and delivery, he was the perfect support and cheerleader, helping me breathe, encouraging me, staying right by my side and overcome with joy as we welcomed our baby boy into the world.

Matt knew my heart's desire was to be a stay at home mommy and even though it was challenging for us financially, he gladly supported my dream. After James was born, I was able to stay home with him while Matt shouldered the load of providing most of our income, working hard to support his family. 

I remember the terrible day when he fell while trying to set up for a VBS event. He injured his left knee severely. Surgery was the only option we were told. I remember how devastating it was to see him suffer. Yet he kept going. Kept working and doing what had to be done even while waiting in terrible daily pain for the surgery.

I remember how difficult recovery from that surgery was for him and yet looking back, I think he was incredibly brave. 

When it seemed clear that our time was almost up in Ohio, I was reluctant but willing to follow as we moved to Kentucky and Matt began work as one of the  Deans at a Bible college. it was difficult but through that whole transition, he was so confident in the leading from God. I watched him grow as a leader, as a man, as a husband and father in his new role. He loved his work. It was much more than a job. To Matt, it was a ministry. He loved the students and relished the opportunity to serve with and be mentored by some of his heroes and best friends. I was proud of him. 

I remember our last romantic getaway to Lexington to celebrate our anniversary. James went to stay with grandparents and we enjoyed a short but sweet time together. I think of that trip with fond memories even now, grateful we made time for that little trip, our last time we got away just the two of us.

I remember that a few months before he departed for Heaven, Matt was convicted about our hit or miss family devotions. We started reading the Word regularly as a family and praying together. It is one of my best memories from the last few months we had together. We would sit down in the living room-him in his big gray chair, me and James on the couch, and Matt would read a few verses. We read through Ephesians together in that way. We would talk about it just for a minute or two and pray. It was a beautiful experience as a family. I cannot express what it means to me to have those memories.

I remember how scary the battle with pneumonia was in February. I remember sobbing in the dark one night outside, begging God to heal him, afraid I would lose him. Knowing he was like a rock for me and I didn't know how I could go on without him..

And he did recover. He got well enough to go back to work for at least a week or so before our Spring Break trip. And we had a wonderful time together that last week before he died, vacationing together in Pigeon Forge. 

So many memories were made on that trip..

We went to the  Smoky Mountain knifeworks store where he spent a long time trying to decide on a new pocket knife. In fact, we went there twice before he finally picked one. (I will keep it for James.)

We visited Dollywood together. It was chilly but sunny and we had a wonderful time. Matt was exhausted, and I remember thinking he really wasn't completely better. But we enjoyed the day so much. 

Another morning, we enjoyed one of our favorite places to eat, the Apple Barn where we laughed at James because he was extra talkative with the waitress.

I remember having a conversation about Heaven with Matt while we were in Pigeon Forge. I told him about a dream I had read about. A father dreamed about his daughter who had died and it gave him peace that she was ok in Heaven. Matt listened thoughtfully and we talked about it for a little while. I don't remember everything that he said but I do remember how he brought Scripture into it which I always loved about him.

I remember driving from Pigeon Forge to Somerset to visit his parents and go for a doctor's appointment. How we visited with them that evening and spent the night there. How his doctor's appointment went well the next day. How we visited a pet store and he expressed interest in getting a pet guinea pig or bunny or something and how I argued against it. :) Then we drove home.

And of course, I had no way of knowing that would be my last day with him. One thing that brings me some comfort is that we were together all that last day and ended the day content and peaceful together. 

All of these memories and countless others bring tears to my eyes even as they bring me comfort. His life was relatively short but it was full. He touched so many lives and he gave me the best years of my life. I hear his voice every day, "I love you so much baby girl". And in my heart, I answer, I love you too honey. I'll always love you no matter what life brings.