On March 18, 2022, I thought I might never be happy again. I sobbed my goodbyes to the man I loved and who I thought I'd grow old with. He was in many ways my world, along with our then four year old son. My world shattered that day.
But God had other plans. Do I understand why God allowed Matt to go home to Glory at age 38? Do I understand why all of our hopes and plans for the future were swept away on a tide of seemingly unending grief? No. I don't.
But I have seen God take the shards of my broken heart and fit them back together into something created for His honor.
Several months after my husband's untimely death, I struck up a friendship with one of Matt's closest friends, Ryan. We started texting each other about all kinds of random things: funny stories from our day, encouragement from Scripture, favorite memories or movies or events...we never seemed to run out of things to say to each other. I was finding myself very interested. But the timing was not right. God made that clear even though it was tough to realize.
Fast forward almost a year..My grieving heart had slowly continued to heal. Tears still flowed regularly but the harsh, cutting edge of sorrow was less intense if that makes sense. I was able to function and even flourish in my new "normal". I was working full time, starting back to school toward a goal of a music education masters, busy caring for my son...
And still talking often to Ryan. We even spent a day together with James at a fair in September. We had an amazing time and I said goodnight wishing the day had not ended.
At this point, I was praying a lot about the future. The idea of remarrying was scary on one hand, but I also knew that a good marriage is so beautiful and I wanted to be open to that again someday. And I just kept thinking,what about Ryan?? I felt more than a little ready for peace about our relationship one way or another. With the advice of a godly friend, I stepped out in faith and got bold! I asked him very honestly about "us": where did he see our friendship headed, etc..Turns out, a year had made a big difference to the situation. Long story short, after a conversation, we realized we were both open to the idea of moving forward. Two weeks later, Ryan asked me out on a date.
That Friday, in October of 2023, over a lunch of hibachi chicken and rice, we opened up to each other about slowly moving forward in a dating relationship, keeping it quiet (not a secret, just taking our time to make sure this was right), and bathing it all in prayer. It wasn't long before we were both looking forward to Friday at noon when we would meet up for lunch.
We intended to take our time getting to know each other in this new way, talking for hours and hours. But before long, we had to admit we both believed this relationship was meant to be. We continued to pray, and more and more, we started telling others about our relationship.
The more people we told, the more confirmation we received that this was from the Lord. Person after person told us, "we have been praying that you two would end up together." It was too many friends to be a coincidence. We clearly saw the Lord's hand at work, bringing something beautiful out of our sorrow.
On a gorgeous Saturday, in mid May Ryan proposed to me, down on one knee on the banks of Clear Creek-at the exact spot that God told him years ago to wait on the Lord for a wife.
And on June 28th, 2024, we will begin our lives as a married couple.
As the wedding fast approaches, (as I type this, it is two days away!!), my emotions are all over the place. Tears as I look back and remember all the pain that brought us here..and joy and excitement and giddiness at the realization that I am about to marry the man who has patiently and lovingly been there for me through all of the ups and downs of the last several months. I love him deeply and I am excited to be his wife!
We are setting out on a challenging journey: me as a widow remarrying, and he as a single bachelor about to be a husband and also to be there for James in the years to come. (By the way, they are buddies, another answer to prayer). But we are in awe at what God has done. God has brought two broken, lonely people together. He has knit our hearts as one and created a new and beautiful love.
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