Little Moments-Big Dreams

 You’d think by now, I would see the wave coming, take a deep breath, close my eyes, and shut myself up within its wall of water until it subsided. But no- it rises up inside my quiet, lonely room here late at night as warm memories collide with cold reality.  And I feel it’s salt stinging in my eyes, Hear my voice wailing within its roar, Drown- almost- in its depths. 8 months and two weeks and 4 days have parted me from my anchor. Like Peter, sinking, I cry to the Master of the Waves to rescue me.  And just like last time, and all the times before and all the times to come, He does just that. And I weep on His shoulder and I thank him but I also shout my painful cries: “ Why did my anchor have to be taken?” “What do I do now?”  And He lifts me into a safe vessel and as it carries me away from that dreadful wave, He says, “Rest now and wait. You are loved. You are seen. You are safe.” And it is not quite what I wanted Him to say but He is Who I need so I listen. And I am soon asleep.

   It is a frosty October morning. A new moon hangs in the pale sky.  And I slide my feet into your old slippers.  The thought occurs that I don't need to apologize for borrowing them anymore.  You used to ask me not to take them. They were broken in just right for you.  I had my own slippers. But after you died, I threw my own away. I didn't need them. I had yours. My feet needed to fit in the imprints you left. So I take a deep breath and open the door, And though my breath rises like a ghost into the cold air My feet and heart are warm as I whisper, "thank you."

These last several months, I've seen God bring comfort and encouragement to me and James in many different ways. But the main way has been through people, specifically the family of God. Tonight was one such example. James is out of town with grandparents this week and tonight, after a long, lonely evening, I drove down to main campus and went for a walk with our dogs. I was feeling discouraged because of a few things already. Then, as I was crossing a bridge over the creek, I was suddenly overwhelmed by heavy grief. I could not go on. I leaned on the bridge railing and allowed the tears and sobs to pour out. In that moment, I felt thoroughly abandoned. Thoughts of how alone and forsaken I was swirled in my head as fast and loud as the roaring creek below. Eventually, I pulled myself together enough to continue walking.  I was almost to my car when I looked behind me to see some friends not far behind me. I had not even heard them approaching. They immediately could tell I was upse

I remember the first time I saw his name. In a text message from my mom, describing the new pastor of her friend's church and telling me he might be interested in getting to know me. I was as single as a person could be at that point, had been praying about marriage for quite a while. Somehow, I knew that I should step out of my comfort zone and see where this might lead. I remember how he first sent me a message on social media and how we quickly hit it off, chatting for hours the next few weeks. And then, finally, we decided to meet. But first, we spoke on the phone and I remember thinking I loved his southern accent and his deep voice. :) Then, we met and our first date was awkward.. I was quiet and unsure, he was talkative but also unsure. I thought he seemed nice but I was not clear whether our new friendship would continue to develop. Then, somehow, in a matter of days, everything changed. We met up again, had a very nice time with countless things to talk about. And after th

A new chapter began in my life on March 18th, 2022.  Thursday, March 17th, 2022, my husband, son and I drove home after a few days away in Pigeon Forge. It was Spring Break at the Bible college and we had enjoyed our getaway which included a day at Dollywood, lots of yummy food and fun activities, and just being together as a little family. We detoured north for one night to visit Matt's parents in Somerset Kentucky as well. It was a good visit and a good little getaway but we were glad to be back home and we discussed tackling a couple home organization projects over the weekend. That evening, we ordered a pizza and watched a baking show while eating together. Matt also baked a few chocolate chip cookies from some dough we had in the refrigerator. It was a pleasant, laid back family evening. Matt had been very sick most of the previous month and we were so happy to have this time together as a family after that long ordeal which included two hospital stays. Eventually, it was bedt

  I wanted to document my day today for a couple reasons.  One being, I need to learn to practice some time management and one way I’m learning to do that is by listing all of my activities- and maybe learn to say no to things I have no time for or that do not fit into my calling and ministry.  But two, it is perhaps helpful for others to see what goes on in a somewhat average day as a stay at home/work at home woman. Some people may assume certain things about stay at home moms based on stereotypes. Whether that is fair or not is not for me to say. I can only speak from my own experience and from what I see from many of the SAHM I know. Our lives are full from sunup to sundown most days. Yes, there are days characterized by rest or boredom but those are not the norm. A day like today is closer to the norm. One note: my husband is recovering from a bad round of bacterial pneumonia that put him in the hospital this weekend. He is home but weak. So my day did feel extra harried and exhau