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Slippers

   It is a frosty October morning. A new moon hangs in the pale sky.  And I slide my feet into your old slippers.  The thought occurs that I don't need to apologize for borrowing them anymore.  You used to ask me not to take them. They were broken in just right for you.  I had my own slippers. But after you died, I threw my own away. I didn't need them. I had yours. My feet needed to fit in the imprints you left. So I take a deep breath and open the door, And though my breath rises like a ghost into the cold air My feet and heart are warm as I whisper, "thank you."

Pregnancy Loss and a gracious God

  He makes the barren woman to keep house and to be a joyful mother of children. Psalm 113:9 A week ago, this verse would have made me angry. But as I slowly begin to heal after a miscarriage, I am finding comfort in that precious verse. This was my third pregnancy loss. Twice within our first year of marriage, my husband and I experienced this sorrow. It was heartbreaking. But we recovered as best we could. Finally, after almost a year of trying, I conceived again. We were so thrilled. We got in to see the OB doctor very early and I was closely monitored. All seemed fine. We got to see our little bean’s heart beating fast at just 5 and a half weeks on Dec. 22. (That was a joy we had not experienced with our other pregnancies which both ended before a heartbeat was detected.) Though I struggled with nausea and fatigue, I rejoiced at these symptoms of what I hoped was a healthy pregnancy. On January 12, I had another ultrasound. I was about 8 and a half weeks along. The technic

One year ago..

  As I type these words, it is March 17th. St Patrick's Day. Tomorrow, March 18th, is a milestone that I have been dreading. One year ago tomorrow, my beloved husband breathed his last here on earth and woke up in Heaven.  I have decided to blog about my journey of grief that began that morning. I pray it is both a step of healing for my own heart and also that it brings glory to my God who has brought me through and continues to walk with me.  When I woke up and discovered Matt still and lifeless beside me, James woke up at almost the same time and I heard him coming to our room. Frantically, I tried to shield him from what was happening, but he did see his Daddy. Words came out of me as I tried to comfort my four-year-old son. I remember telling him, I think Daddy has gone to Heaven. James started crying and I told him, I think God decided it was time for him to come home to Heaven. The words seemed to comfort James in some small way.  One of Matt's friends and coworkers show