Little Moments-Big Dreams

   It is a frosty October morning. A new moon hangs in the pale sky.  And I slide my feet into your old slippers.  The thought occurs that I don't need to apologize for borrowing them anymore.  You used to ask me not to take them. They were broken in just right for you.  I had my own slippers. But after you died, I threw my own away. I didn't need them. I had yours. My feet needed to fit in the imprints you left. So I take a deep breath and open the door, And though my breath rises like a ghost into the cold air My feet and heart are warm as I whisper, "thank you."

These last several months, I've seen God bring comfort and encouragement to me and James in many different ways. But the main way has been through people, specifically the family of God. Tonight was one such example. James is out of town with grandparents this week and tonight, after a long, lonely evening, I drove down to main campus and went for a walk with our dogs. I was feeling discouraged because of a few things already. Then, as I was crossing a bridge over the creek, I was suddenly overwhelmed by heavy grief. I could not go on. I leaned on the bridge railing and allowed the tears and sobs to pour out. In that moment, I felt thoroughly abandoned. Thoughts of how alone and forsaken I was swirled in my head as fast and loud as the roaring creek below. Eventually, I pulled myself together enough to continue walking.  I was almost to my car when I looked behind me to see some friends not far behind me. I had not even heard them approaching. They immediately could tell I was upse...

I remember the first time I saw his name. In a text message from my mom, describing the new pastor of her friend's church and telling me he might be interested in getting to know me. I was as single as a person could be at that point, had been praying about marriage for quite a while. Somehow, I knew that I should step out of my comfort zone and see where this might lead. I remember how he first sent me a message on social media and how we quickly hit it off, chatting for hours the next few weeks. And then, finally, we decided to meet. But first, we spoke on the phone and I remember thinking I loved his southern accent and his deep voice. :) Then, we met and our first date was awkward.. I was quiet and unsure, he was talkative but also unsure. I thought he seemed nice but I was not clear whether our new friendship would continue to develop. Then, somehow, in a matter of days, everything changed. We met up again, had a very nice time with countless things to talk about. And after th...

A new chapter began in my life on March 18th, 2022.  Thursday, March 17th, 2022, my husband, son and I drove home after a few days away in Pigeon Forge. It was Spring Break at the Bible college and we had enjoyed our getaway which included a day at Dollywood, lots of yummy food and fun activities, and just being together as a little family. We detoured north for one night to visit Matt's parents in Somerset Kentucky as well. It was a good visit and a good little getaway but we were glad to be back home and we discussed tackling a couple home organization projects over the weekend. That evening, we ordered a pizza and watched a baking show while eating together. Matt also baked a few chocolate chip cookies from some dough we had in the refrigerator. It was a pleasant, laid back family evening. Matt had been very sick most of the previous month and we were so happy to have this time together as a family after that long ordeal which included two hospital stays. Eventually, it was bedt...

  I wanted to document my day today for a couple reasons.  One being, I need to learn to practice some time management and one way I’m learning to do that is by listing all of my activities- and maybe learn to say no to things I have no time for or that do not fit into my calling and ministry.  But two, it is perhaps helpful for others to see what goes on in a somewhat average day as a stay at home/work at home woman. Some people may assume certain things about stay at home moms based on stereotypes. Whether that is fair or not is not for me to say. I can only speak from my own experience and from what I see from many of the SAHM I know. Our lives are full from sunup to sundown most days. Yes, there are days characterized by rest or boredom but those are not the norm. A day like today is closer to the norm. One note: my husband is recovering from a bad round of bacterial pneumonia that put him in the hospital this weekend. He is home but weak. So my day did feel extr...

On the last day of May of 2017, when my baby son was placed into my arms for the first time, my heart felt like it could burst with joy. The months and months of sorrow and pain fell away and our struggles with infertility and miscarriages were like a distant chapter that we hoped to never revisit.  But as our son grew and I delighted in being a mother to him, a desire for another baby naturally filled my heart. He would be the best big brother is a thought I have often had. He is four years old now. A tall, inquisitive, dinosaur and sea creature-loving boy with a big smile, a mischievous streak, and a tender heart. And I wish he had a little sister or a little brother.  The pain of my second journey of infertility feels almost embarrassing to share with others. After all, we have a child. So many others never experience that gift. Perhaps I should just be content. And there are many days when contentment and peace fills my heart, when, looking at my son and thinking about ou...

 A week ago, I was starting to come down with what I thought was a cold. James had been sick with the same "cold" for several days but was recovering. I went about my day as normal, but by the next morning, I was feeling worse.By the next morning, Saturday, I was miserable. My symptoms were sinus congestion, a sore throat, a general feeling of not being well, and some fatigue. I didn't have a fever and I wasn't coughing much at all. But my husband strongly encouraged me to go get a covid test and I agreed. When the results came back, I was shocked that it was positive. Back home, I started to process the news. As the day went on and I continued to feel pretty bad, I felt some worry. What if I got really sick and also what about my husband and son? I was most worried about Matt since he has bad asthma. I felt fairly sure that James was actually recovering from his own bout with covid.  Over the next day or two, my sore throat went away but I started to cough a bit. By ...