Replace the burned bridges

I was raised in the much misunderstood homeschooling world of ATI, IBLP and navy & white. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, that’s ok. If you do know what I’m talking about, that’s ok too.)

I grew up wearing ankle length skirts, baking lots of whole wheat bread, watching no TV, doing Wisdom searches, and meditation worksheets, and of course traveling to Knoxville each summer. (I spent more time in the Tennessee Vols basketball arena than any other sports venue, and yet I never really followed the sport.) I began conversations with other homeschoolers by asking, “What’s your spiritual gift?”  I avoided boys like the plague, both because I was shy, and also because too much time or eye contact with them could form an emotional bond and damage my courtship spirit.

So, in a sense, I understand the long Facebook venting posts, the complete rejection of anything remotely associated with the program, and the need to form new identities. We as "ATI-ers" lived through interesting experiences, to say the least.


It’s been years since I’ve lived in that way of life. I’ve since gone on to college and grad school, I now wear jeans and sleeveless shirts, and I study the Bible without using a Meditation worksheet (not that those were bad! They were actually kind of helpful). I still like home-baked bread, and I still like the color navy. I also enjoy wearing my long maxi skirts, but not because I feel I have to.

Here is what disturbs me: Why do so many of my peers feel the need to so publicly denounce what their parents chose?

I don’t buy the excuse that they aren't attacking our parents but the program itself. I think most of the loud, public outcry by my peers is fundamentally an attack on our parents. Were our parents duped? Yes, in some cases, they were. But they are still our parents. I don’t hear my public-schooled husband criticizing the choices his parents made raising him. Why? Because he understands something that I don’t think many homeschool-raised young adults do: his parents are his PARENTS. Did they make mistakes? Of course. But at the end of the day, he has chosen the right path: the path of honor.

"Honor your father and mother." That does not have to mean supporting every decision they made as they raised you. But it also does not include the kind of public denouncing that has become trendy in post-ATI circles. I’m sick of it. Totally, completely sick of it.  I’ve seen at least one mom cry as she felt her grown children’s disapproval and scorn. I’ve felt her pain as she wondered if she failed as a mom. Guess what? If you are a parent now, YOU are making mistakes. Today, you failed in some way. You might be in a church or a school or a community group that will one day be known as a cult or a scandal ridden organization. Maybe someday, your children will publicly denounce everything you did for them.  But, like your parents, you are probably doing your best if you truly love your child.

So, maybe it’s time for a new strategy. Some of you are struggling to ease out of your past. As you struggle, you are hurting and may feel trapped. Please understand, I’m not saying that you didn’t experience hurt. But maybe it is time to move toward forgiveness, away from websites and people that encourage you to criticize and remember the past, and toward websites and people that encourage you to love and move ahead with your life. It will take time for some, but I think there are some who simply enjoy the rush they feel from expressing emotional baggage in as public a manner as possible. If you are one of those people, just stop. If you are genuinely in need of honest emotional and spiritual relief, find a good Christian counselor, a circle of trustworthy friends, and freely read and love the Word of God and find refuge in the God of the Word. That is where you will find answers. Trust me. I know.

And, if your parents are alive still, tell them today that you love them. Period. They may not agree with how you live your life today, but take a step of love and honor toward them.

Perhaps, in burning old bridges, we are neglecting to build new ones. It's time to begin the construction project. So trade in your navy and white for hard hats and yellow vests, and start building.