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The admiration trap

 Not long ago, an acquaintance made a snide remark about something. It rubbed me the wrong way. Thankfully, in that moment, I pasted a smile on and moved on. But a few minutes later, as the words this person said lodged deeper in my mind, I wanted so badly to retort. But I didn’t. Instead, I silently fumed and wished I had the nerve to confront this person about the way they spoke.

Have you ever been there? I feel like I’m there way too often. A person’s remark hits me in the wrong way and later as I muse further, I become more and more hurt or angry or just plain annoyed. 

I remember times when I have whispered an entire speech , knowing I’d never actually have the nerve to look the person in the eye and say my well crafted rant. Instead, I usually allow resentment toward that person to build until they are an enemy in my mind.

Recently, I had an "aha" moment: when someone  makes a hurtful comment to me, my defensive feelings reveal that I’ve taken a normal longing to be admired and I've turned it into an idol. While I would not speak these words  out loud, what I’m really saying is “How dare they! I’m worthy of respect and admiration and they did not recognize this truth." In a sense, I am more concerned about my glory than the glory of God. I'm more aware of my hurt feelings than I am the kingdom of God. I create walls in my heart when Christ asks me to extend grace.

There is one quick disclaimer I feel compelled to add. There are certain situations when it is wise to deliberately establish boundaries between myself and certain people. Proverbs is filled with warnings about staying away from foolish or cruel or ungodly people. If a person is constantly berating me or spreading malicious gossip or just in general being a hurtful person, it may be time to take steps to end or at least lessen my relationship with them if possible. 

But on the other hand, I must consider whether I'm  being offended too easily because of that desire to be admired or respected. Maybe that is why a friend's joking remark hurt so much. If that is the case, I have to surrender. Surrender my craving to be admired. Surrender my longing to be respected. Surrender my desire to reply with a retort of my own. Surrender my need to be right. 

I'm sure I will struggle with this "admiration trap" all of my life. But with the grace of God, I hope that next time I get my feelings hurt by someone's careless words, my response-both outwardly and inwardly- will be wiser, kinder and more Christlike. 


 



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