Little Moments-Big Dreams

On the last day of May of 2017, when my baby son was placed into my arms for the first time, my heart felt like it could burst with joy. The months and months of sorrow and pain fell away and our struggles with infertility and miscarriages were like a distant chapter that we hoped to never revisit.  But as our son grew and I delighted in being a mother to him, a desire for another baby naturally filled my heart. He would be the best big brother is a thought I have often had. He is four years old now. A tall, inquisitive, dinosaur and sea creature-loving boy with a big smile, a mischievous streak, and a tender heart. And I wish he had a little sister or a little brother.  The pain of my second journey of infertility feels almost embarrassing to share with others. After all, we have a child. So many others never experience that gift. Perhaps I should just be content. And there are many days when contentment and peace fills my heart, when, looking at my son and thinking about ou...

 A week ago, I was starting to come down with what I thought was a cold. James had been sick with the same "cold" for several days but was recovering. I went about my day as normal, but by the next morning, I was feeling worse.By the next morning, Saturday, I was miserable. My symptoms were sinus congestion, a sore throat, a general feeling of not being well, and some fatigue. I didn't have a fever and I wasn't coughing much at all. But my husband strongly encouraged me to go get a covid test and I agreed. When the results came back, I was shocked that it was positive. Back home, I started to process the news. As the day went on and I continued to feel pretty bad, I felt some worry. What if I got really sick and also what about my husband and son? I was most worried about Matt since he has bad asthma. I felt fairly sure that James was actually recovering from his own bout with covid.  Over the next day or two, my sore throat went away but I started to cough a bit. By ...

  A few weeks ago, I went to Disney World for the first time. Well, technically the first time, i was inside my Mom's womb. But as far as my first trip to Disney World that I remember.. this trip was it. Now, a few weeks removed from the trip, I find myself looking back and remembering mostly the fun we had and already hoping very much to return someday! This blog post will be just a few highlights of our Disney Trip. I will not attempt to cover everything we did.  I also will try to throw in a few tips as a first time visitor to WDW for those who may be planning their trip. Keep in mind I am no expert by any means on the subject of Disney traveling. There are dozens of excellent websites and youtube channels out there for well informed, detailed trip planning advice! A couple of my favorites are   Blair Lamb's  youtube channel and the Disney food blog  (which also has a youtube channel too) So just think of my tips as simply the ramblings of a Disney newb...

 Months ago, my husband and I started daydreaming about taking a little trip for our anniversary. (Because we got married right after New Year’s, it has usually been difficult to save up money for a getaway so close to the holidays. So we have only done a getaway for our anniversary one time and it was our first anniversary. ) As we discussed planning a vacation, we went back and forth between leaving James for a couple days with relatives or friends..or taking him with us. We finally landed on the idea of inviting someone to go with us who could double as babysitters and vacation buddies. It didn't take us long to ask my younger sister and her husband. They are expecting their first baby in a few months and we figured it might be fun for them to get away as well. They readily accepted our invitation and we all excitedly made plans. We found a cabin with wonderful reviews near Pigeon Forge. We began to plan a few fun activities to try together during our time in the area. We actual...

 I wrote this poem/song today. I hope it’s a blessing to you all!  When the world says all the work I do is not enough, When my mind says my failures must have chased away your love, When my heart is a reflection of the troubles of the day, Even then, Help me say That all the strivings of my heart Will never fill the empty part Where you belong. And when I work, or when I rest, Or when I fail to give my best Your cross reminds me I’m secure and I’m accepted-even then. I can never fall away for I am held secure Yes I know this truth but still I walk in fear. When this inner conflict tries to drag me from your Grace, Even then, I will bow and I will say That all the strivings of my heart Will never fill the empty part Where you belong. And when I work, or when I rest, And when I fail to give my best Your cross reminds me I’m secure and I’m accepted-even then.

Today, as a light rain fell, my son splashed happily in puddles, his new yellow rain boots contrasting cheerfully against the greyness of the day. I sat on my porch rocker to watch him and I looked around our yard. I noticed how the redbud trees are subtly beginning to show their lovely purple blooms. I noticed how the dogwood tree has some round buds on its limbs. And I thought about the gradual nature of Spring.  One day, the trees were bare and the grass was brown and dead looking. Then, little by little, nature began to awaken. Daffodils were one of the first things to bloom. Their blooms add splashes of sunny cheer here and there around our yard and in the woods around the campus. We were gone for Spring Break and when we returned home a few days later, the bare branches of our three forsythia bushes were vibrant with their yellow flowers. So lovely! Next, tulips are blooming and Bradford pear trees. And so on.. But it was all gradual. In layers. And it made me think of spirit...

 Guys, I know it sounds cliched but.. I'm literally trembling with excitement. I just got word that a project I'm part of will soon be published! The title of the book is Life Repurposed and it is a collection of stories by women of faith.  The editor of this project is a woman named Michelle Rayburn. I've never met Michelle but she is a published author and blogger. She posted in a Facebook group for Christian writers and I responded. She was looking for several writers who would submit a story about God at work in their life. As a new writer, this opportunity sounded amazing. I emailed her a testimony I had written years ago regarding my struggles with pregnancy loss. Several weeks went by before Michelle reached out. She had selected my story as one of her chapters! I was so moved and grateful. Fast forward to today when she emailed all of her authors to let us know the book will be released very soon! She also created beautiful promo graphics, including this one with a ...

 Not long ago, an acquaintance made a snide remark about something. It rubbed me the wrong way. Thankfully, in that moment, I pasted a smile on and moved on. But a few minutes later, as the words this person said lodged deeper in my mind, I wanted so badly to retort. But I didn’t. Instead, I silently fumed and wished I had the nerve to confront this person about the way they spoke. Have you ever been there? I feel like I’m there way too often. A person’s remark hits me in the wrong way and later as I muse further, I become more and more hurt or angry or just plain annoyed.  I remember times when I have whispered an entire speech , knowing I’d never actually have the nerve to look the person in the eye and say my well crafted rant. Instead, I usually allow resentment toward that person to build until they are an enemy in my mind. Recently, I had an "aha" moment: when someone  makes a hurtful comment to me, my defensive feelings reveal that I’ve taken a normal longing to be...

Happy anniversary sweetheart! I feel so grateful and blessed for the seven years we have been married together.  We got married at age 29 and 30 respectively (which seemed so old at the time!) But although we'd both accomplished many things separately in our single adult lives, nothing had really prepared us for the challenges-and the joys- that marriage would bring. All we knew on that beautiful snowy day was that we loved each other, we believed God had brought us together, and we were excited to begin life as husband and wife.  We quickly realized that building a strong marriage would be a challenge-filled task. Some of the challenges along the way have been internal, from our own sinful tendencies: selfishness, unwillingness to forgive, unfair expectations, laziness, etc.. Marriage has been a microscope that magnifies these faults. (I forget where I read that illustration but it is so true.) Yet at the same time, God is using marriage to chip away at these faults. It's an ...