Pregnancy after loss

Dear friend who struggles when you see pregnancy posts on social media,
I want to say that I am sorry that my pregnancy posts probably make you want to cry or throw something. I remember when I was reeling from the loss of my first, second, and third pregnancies. The last thing I wanted to see was pregnancy related posts on Facebook. I fought against the current of anger and envy that threatened to pull me under. Some days, I didn’t win the fight. As time went on though, I found myself able to feel genuine happiness for a couple’s blessing of a baby. But it was really really really hard. Some days, it is still hard. Here I am, nearing my third trimester of what has been a healthy pregnancy, and sometimes it is still a struggle to rejoice when I read of a younger couple having a baby within their first or second year of marriage, with no complications or prior miscarriages. Yes, I know that every life is a blessing. Yes, I know that as followers of Christ we are to rejoice with those who rejoice. I just never expected it to be so very hard sometimes. Maybe you feel the same way. I am so sorry. Believe me, you are not alone or abnormal for struggling in this way.
When I think of you, my beautiful friend, I see many things. I see a woman who has shed her share of tears. I see a mother whose arms are empty, but whose heart is forever etched with memories of a baby gone far too soon. I see another mother whose arms are full of children, but whose heart grieves in secret for the baby that nobody else knows about, the one she lost after several healthy children. I see a wife who has long given up hope of conceiving a child. I see a daughter who mourns the idea that she will never give her parents a grandchild. I see a single friend who just wants to be a wife and a mommy, but is slowly giving up hope of seeing her dreams fulfilled. But most of all, I see a person who has much to give. You, my friend, have a story that nobody else can tell quite like you can. Your sorrow has a purpose. You may not be able to see it quite yet. But in the midst of your storm of grief, know that you are beloved by our Heavenly Father. He loves you with an Everlasting Love. He loves your children, both the ones in Heaven, and the ones here on Earth. He is shaping your future with love.
As I anticipate the birth of my child, I often think of you, my friend. My heart aches for you. I hesitate to post pregnancy milestones because I know it will make you sad. But, I still post things because it is part of my story, even as I pray your heart will not feel destroyed by my joy.
If anyone tries to make you feel guilty for struggling to rejoice, please do not let them. Your pain is real. You have nothing to be ashamed of. We live in a society that tries to tell us to suck it up, to always dress up and show up. Well I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to always suck it up. You don’t even have to always show up. All you really have to do is look up. God may seem a million miles away right now, but He is there. Read the Psalms. Pour out your heart before Him. He is a Refuge. He is Real. He is.
With love,
Your pregnant friend