Little Moments-Big Dreams

I struggle with my weight and with body image.  Thankfully, I have a loving husband who affirms that I am beautiful to him.Yet, I still wrestle with insecurity.  I say I struggle, yet I know that some people would probably wish to be my size. (I'm a size 16/18). Other people cannot imagine being this big. (I'm talking to you, size zeros to 6!) Some people struggle with being too thin or even anorexic/bulimic. I've never had those issues. So I know weight issues are relative. But often, when I see a picture of myself, or a glimpse in a mirror, I inwardly berate myself. Words like "fat" "ugly" "hopeless" race through my mind. It is exhausting at times. I long to have the graceful leanness of women I see in the grocery store, or in pictures on my Facebook newsfeed. I see the obvious outward beauty of women with glossy long blonde hair and graceful athletic bodies. I measure myself by them and feel that I lack. I have frizzy brown hair with new...

  He makes the barren woman to keep house and to be a joyful mother of children. Psalm 113:9 A week ago, this verse would have made me angry. But as I slowly begin to heal after a miscarriage, I am finding comfort in that precious verse. This was my third pregnancy loss. Twice within our first year of marriage, my husband and I experienced this sorrow. It was heartbreaking. But we recovered as best we could. Finally, after almost a year of trying, I conceived again. We were so thrilled. We got in to see the OB doctor very early and I was closely monitored. All seemed fine. We got to see our little bean’s heart beating fast at just 5 and a half weeks on Dec. 22. (That was a joy we had not experienced with our other pregnancies which both ended before a heartbeat was detected.) Though I struggled with nausea and fatigue, I rejoiced at these symptoms of what I hoped was a healthy pregnancy. On January 12, I had another ultrasound. I was about 8 and a half weeks along....