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Showing posts from December, 2018

On feeling extra nostalgic this Christmas

Christmas is just a few days away as I write this. And for the first time in several years, I’m actually looking forward to it. It has been years since I have really truly enjoyed this season. The reasons why are long and sad: Most of my post-marriage Christmas memories are wrapped in sorrow about pregnancy loss, or health issues, or dealing with expectations from either others or myself to be everything for everyone, or just plain lack of Christmas spirit. But as a child, I lived for this time of year. The Christmas programs, the parties, the music, the lights, the gifts! Ah, it was the best time of the year, the time when everyone in our big noisy household had little piles of hidden presents underneath beds and stuffed in closets; when we all tried hard to keep secrets, when we smiled a bit more and twirled in the kitchen to Christmas music while decorating cookies..sweet memories of a simpler time.  We never bought gifts for every member of the family. With so many kids, my par